Laugh Until Milk Comes Out Of Your Nose!

Betty Lou wants to share a few of her favorite jokes ...

Two boys, 8 and 9, start using profane language all the time. Their parents, distraught, ask a psychiatrist what they should do. The doctor says, "The next time one of those boys uses a bad word, each of you should smack him across the face." "OK" say the parents. The next morning the boys come down for breakfast and the older boy turns to his mom and says, "Pass the fuckin' cornflakes. The mother immediately slaps him across the face. Then the father slaps the boy sending the kid off his chair and onto the floor. Mom turns to the younger boy and asks, "Now, what do you want?" He replies, "I sure as shit don't want the fuckin' cornflakes!"

An exceedingly wealthy business magnate was hosting a celebration on his estate. After he had fed and entertained his guests they were all gathered around the Olympic size pool. At that point he took the cover off the pool to reveal that it was teeming with hungry pirana fish. "To anyone brave enough to swim the length of this pool," he challenged, "I will give you your choice of a million dollars or half of the shares in my company Or, you can have my daughter's hand in marriage." Immediately there was a splash and they all turned to watch a man swimming furiously down the length of the pool. When he got to the other side, he dragged himself out, bleeding and clothes in tatters. The wealthy man was thrilled: "I am impressed. I didn't think anyone would take my offer, but you did and now you have a choice to make. Did you take this risk for the million dollars, the shares in my company, or my daughter's hand? Tell me, what do you want?" The young man replied, "I want to know who pushed me in the pool!"

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder. The bartender yells out, "Hey what do you think you're doing? Get that pig outta here!" The man says, "What are you, an idiot? This is a duck, not a pig!" The bartender replies, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck!"