What do John Davidson and Turtle Brownies Have in Common?

In 1989 I cut a brownie recipe out of TV Guide because the picture of the brownies looked really good. I think I probably didn't actually make the brownies for another ten years or so. Too bad I waited because this recipe which I'm about to share with you are the best brownies ever ... did you hear me? EVER!!!

They're called "John Davidson's Turtle Brownies" and I think the recipe was in TV Guide because John and his wife Rhonda were co-hosts, at the time, of TNN's "Holiday Gourmet."

I toyed with the idea of claiming the recipe was mine. I mean, come on, it's been 18 years. I was going to call them "Betty Lou's - I died and Went to Heaven and St. Peter Handed m Some of These Turtle Brownies and Boy, Are They Good" but that wouldn't be right now, would it?

So, here, without shame and with a clear conscience, I give you the recipe for "John Davidson's Turtle Brownies:"

1 14 oz. package of caramels

2/3 cup evaporated milk

1 box (18 1/2 oz.) German chocolate cake mix

3/4 cup softened margarine

1 cup nuts (walnuts and/or pecans)

12 oz. semisweet chocolate chips

Combine caramels and 1/3 cup evaporated milk on top of double boiler (when's the last time you heard "double boiler?"). Stir mixture until melted.

Combine cake mix, remaining milk and softened margarine. Blend until mixture holds together. Stir in nuts. Press half of cake mixture in a greased 13x9 inch pan and bake for six minutes at 350 degrees. Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips on top. Pour melted caramel evenly over top. Crumble remaining mix over caramel and bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes. Cool slightely and cut into bars.

How many kabillion calories? I have no idea. No one cared about calories in 1989. We were all too busy blow drying our big hair and pulling up our leg warmers. Forget the calories for once and enjoy. I promise they're worth it.

And thank you John Davidson where ever you are.

Amaze Your Friends!!!!

Betty Lou wants everyone to lighten up for a minute or two and try this. It's mystifying. It's stupefying. It's sure to have you scratching your head and impressing everyone you know. AND it's soooooo simple. Ready?

You must be sitting. Lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT!

(Cue Twilight Zone music here)

If Lies Were Like Horses ...

The story below was posted online today ... I react with equal measures of heartbreak and rage. Enough is enough. The crazies are running the asylum and they're completely off their meds. Call 9-1-1 STAT!

WASHINGTON - An Army Ranger who was with Pat Tillman when the former football star died by friendly fire said Tuesday he was told by a higher-up to conceal that information from Tillman's brother. "I was ordered not to tell him," U.S. Army Spc. Bryan O'Neal told the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. He said he was given the order by then-Lt. Col. Jeff Bailey, the battalion commander who oversaw Tillman's platoon.

Pat Tillman's brother Kevin was in a convoy behind his brother when the incident happened, but didn't see it. O'Neal said Bailey told him specifically not to tell Kevin Tillman that the death was friendly fire rather than heroic engagement with the enemy.

"He basically just said, sir, that uh, 'Do not let Kevin know, he's probably in a bad place knowing that his brother's dead,'" O'Neal said. He added that Bailey made clear he would "get in trouble" if he told. Kevin Tillman was not in the hearing room when O'Neal spoke.
In earlier testimony, Kevin Tillman accused the military of "intentional falsehoods" and "deliberate and careful misrepresentations" in portraying Pat Tillman's death in
Afghanistan as the result of heroic engagement with the enemy instead of friendly fire.
"We believe this narrative was intended to deceive the family but more importantly the American public," Kevin Tillman told a House Government Reform and Oversight Committee hearing. "Pat's death was clearly the result of fratricide," he said, contending that the military's misstatements amounted to "fraud."

"Revealing that Pat's death was a fratricide would have been yet another political disaster in a month of political disasters ... so the truth needed to be suppressed," Tillman said.
The committee's chairman, Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif., accused the government of inventing "sensational details and stories" about Pat Tillman's death and the 2003 rescue of Jessica Lynch, perhaps the most famous victims of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars.

"The government violated its most basic responsibility," said Waxman. Lynch, then an Army private, was badly injured when her convoy was ambushed in Iraq. She was subsequently rescued by American troops from an Iraqi hospital but the tale of her ambush was changed into a story of heroism on her part. Still hampered by her injuries, Lynch walked slowly to the witness table and took a seat alongside Tillman's family members.

"The bottom line is the American people are capable of determining their own ideals of heroes and they don't need to be told elaborate lies," Lynch said. Kevin Tillman said his family has sought for years to get at the truth, and have now concluded that they were "being actively thwarted by powers that are more interested in protecting a narrative than getting at the truth and seeing justice is served." Lawmakers questioned how high up the chain of command the information about Tillman's friendly fire death went, and whether anyone in the White House knew before Tillman's family. "How high up did this go?" asked Waxman.
Pat Tillman's mother, Mary Tillman, said she believed former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld must have known. "The fact that he would have died by friendly fire and no one told Rumsfeld is ludicrous," she said.

Tillman was killed on April 22, 2004, after his Army Ranger comrades were ambushed in eastern Afghanistan. Rangers in a convoy trailing Tillman's group had just emerged from a canyon where they had been fired upon. They saw Tillman and mistakenly fired on him.
Though dozens of soldiers knew quickly that Tillman had been killed by his fellow troops, the Army said initially that he was killed by enemy gunfire when he led his team to help another group of ambushed soldiers. The family was not told what really happened until May 29, 2004, a delay the Army blamed on procedural mistakes.

In questioning what the White House knew, Rep. Elijah Cummings, D-Md., cited a memo written by a top general seven days after Tillman's death warning it was "highly possible" the Army Ranger was killed by friendly fire and making clear his warning should be conveyed to the president.

President Bush made no reference to the way Tillman died in a speech delivered two days after the memo was written. A White House spokesman has said there's no indication Bush received the warning in the memo written April 29, 2004 by then-Maj. Gen. Stanley McChrystal to Gen. John Abizaid, head of Central Command. "It's a little disingenuous to think the administration didn't know," Kevin Tillman told the committee. "That's kind of what we hoped you guys would get involved with and take a look," he said. Mary Tillman told the committee that family members were "absolutely appalled" upon realizing the extent to which they were misled. "We've all been betrayed ... We never thought they would use him the way they did," she said. The Tillman family has made similar accusations against the administration and the military before, but has generally shied away from news media attention. The family had never previously appeared together and summarized their criticism and questions in such a public, comprehensive way.

"We shouldn't be allowed to have smoke screens thrown in our face," Mary Tillman said. "You're diminishing their true heroism to write these glorious tales. It's really a disservice to the nation." "Our family will never be satisfied. We'll never have Pat back," she said. "Something really awful happened. It's your job to find out what happened to him. That's really important."
Last month the military concluded in a pair of reports that nine high-ranking Army officers, including four generals, made critical errors in reporting Tillman's death but that there was no criminal wrongdoing in his shooting.

Tillman's death received worldwide attention because he had walked away from a huge contract with the NFL's Arizona Cardinals to enlist in the Army after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

What is Bernard Pivot's favorite word?

Had you ever heard of Bernard Pivot before James Lipton used his questionaire? Hmmmm. Let's start at the beginning. Have you ever heard of James Lipton? If not, let me enlighten you. He's a pompous little man who resembles a fire hydrant but has a nice smile who hosts "Inside The Actor's Studio." At the end of each interview he asks his celebrity guest a series of questions developed by his admitted hero, Bernard Pivot.

Pivot, as Wikipedia tells me, is a French journalist who hosts a series of cultural French TV programmes (Wikipedia's spelling, not mine. I guess "programmes" is European). Pivot developed his questionaire from French novelist, Marcel Proust. Every time I hear an actor answer the questions, I answer along with them. Only my answers tend to change from week to week. But for today, here are my truthful answers to Bernard Pivot's questionaire ...

What is your favorite word? Akimbo.

What is your least favorite word? C*nt.

What turns you on? Kisses on my neck.

What turns you off? B O (that can either mean body odor or Bill O'Reilly).

What is your favorite curse word? Jesus Fucking Christ.

What sound or noise do you love? Air moving through trees.

What sound or noise do you hate? The sound of someone chewing gum.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Screenwriter.

What profession would you not like to do? Factory worker.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? See, it was just as I told you.